Happy 2nd Birthday, Olivia!

Hey my girl. You're a "big kid now. A To-o-o-o-ddler." You told me yourself. You're not a baby anymore. Here we are, nearing your second birthday, and I haven't been able to slow myself down enough to soak that in. You are You, and You are TWO. Well, almost. Your birthday isn't until Tuesday.

Here is your Year Two letter, my dear. Likely as jumbled as your first year's letter, but also just as heartfelt and sincere.

I joke that I drink lots of coffee because I'm a mom. That is true, but I love that I have to work hard to keep up with you. I have to keep up with your spirit, your physical speed (seriously, you're fast), and your totally illogical trains of thought. Ok, that last part isn't actually possible. I have no idea how you think, but, like I said last year, when you are thinking, it's almost like we can actually see your brain working. You are amazing.

You are in a really fun and exhausting age. You wear us out at nearly the same rate you wear yourself out. I say nearly because we are always done before you are. When you are in "go mode" there is no stopping you. You will find whatever you're looking for, you will finish what you're doing, you will put your pants on by your self and no we will not be helping you. On the other hand, you will snuggle close and give endless hugs and kisses before bed, you will read books with us for hours, and you will "help" with chores like feeding the pets, rinsing the dishes, and putting away the silverware. The dichotomy of toddlerhood is strong with you.

You are strong. You love to run, jump, climb, and move things around. This year we enrolled you in gymnastics classes, and you have taken to them like a fish to water. (Speaking of water, you've loved swimming this year too - check it out below!) This past week, your dad and I watched you return to lessons after a few weeks away with a fresh determination and ability to follow the directions. We were impressed that you did so well, and quickly congratulated ourselves on our superior parenting that makes you such a good student. Ha! Although we don't think we're failing at this parenting thing, we have lots of help.

This is your favorite trampoline. Here you are mid-air, jumping away at gymnastics!

Swimming in your kiddie pool. You got so brave this summer in the water!

Which brings me to your community. My girl, never, ever forget your community. The people around you shape who you are, whether you like it or not, whether you realize it or not. We as a family are fortunate to have an amazing community raising us. I say us, because your dad and I are still learning and leaning on our friends and family, too. I feel this part of your letter is better represented by photos.

You have your family, who love you dearly:

Yoga with Aunt Sarah and "Papa" Jeff

Fancy drinks with Auntie Sarah

Outside with "Mimi"

It's always fun and games with Papa!

Of course Mommy and Daddy!

Your Godparents, who mean the world to us, and who you have combined into "Jonny-Kayla":

Uncle Jonny isn't pictured, but you love him just as much!

Your school. Oh boy, do we love your school. And you love it there too, and you love your teachers. Such a great place:

Your Itty Bitty friends. Short for Saint Mary's Itty Bitty Bible Study friends. And your church in general. These people are our people, and they take such good care of both mommy and you. I hope they know how much we love them, and how much we look forward to seeing them on Tuesdays in the summer and on breaks.

Your extended family, who show you love in so many ways.

With your Coos Bay cousins Meghan, Max, and Lauren

Cousin Katie

Cousin Sydney

Cousin April

Finally, my dear, we come to the list of all the things you like. As with last year, I have no other vessel except to just list them:
Cinderella. Like is an understatement. Obsessed is more accurate. We spend a lot of time watching with you, saying things like "Men can sew too, if they like, and women don't have to." and "Remember that if you get married you don't have to do it because other people think you should have kids, unless you want them." But whatever. The weird mice make you happy, and you cackle with laughter every time that horrible cat bonks his face on something. I never realized how often that happens.
Daniel Tiger. Still. Forever. "DT" may be your first tattoo. He's a weird feline dude, but you love him, and the lessons are solid and the jingles tolerable.
Gymnastics. You recently stopped calling it "Nacky," which made your dad and I sad, because we loved it. Trampolines are your favorite, of course.
Busses. You know the difference between a school bus and a city bus. I think this has to do with your buddies at school, and I don't get it at all, but you totally love looking for and naming any bus we see on our commute home.
The Ducks! Anytime you see green and yellow, or the O, or football in general, you shout "Go Ducks!" And tailgates are called "Go Ducks Parties."
Art. You like to draw, paint, do play dough, play with your musical toys, sing, anything. You are creative and focused when you do art activities.
The pets. We got a new dog in December, after saying goodbye to Jack-dog. Risa is a firecracker; the perfect match for you! The two of you wear each other out. Which is awesome. You love Manny, but the feeling is NOT mutual. That's ok, you don't take it personally as you yank his tail and then feed him.

Your language has exploded this year, and your hair has gotten suddenly so long. We have watched you move from a baby to a kid, and it has been heartbreaking and liberating at the same time. You have always been curious and it is wonderful to watch you explore more and more. Keep exploring, keep learning, keep loving, and keep playing. We love you, our girl, and Happy Birthday! Here are just a couple more snapshots of your year. Here's to being two!

Summer Bucket List Follow-up

Well, I made a summer bucket list, and when I made it, I was afraid that I wouldn't get through it all. But we've had an awesome summer, and as it comes to a close, I thought I'd check in and see how I did. Below is the original list, green means I did it, red means I didn't. Plus some notes and/or photos about each one!

1. Itty Bitty Bible Study with Olivia. - YES! We loved going, and made it to almost every session. I can't say enough great things about this amazing group of parents and kids. Hurray for Saint Mary's!

2. Hiking weekly with the Buena Vista Hiking Club. Yep! Did this too. Once Olivia and I were the only hikers, but we've had some great hikes with my colleagues from work and it's gotten us outside at least once a week.

3. Camping for 2 weeks in the Wallowas. This vacation was blissful and so hard all at once. We were there 14 days, 13 nights. With an under-two-year-old. Yes, we are crazy. But we did it!

4. Run twice a week. Sans stroller. Just for me. ...No. I did do quite a bit of running, but often with the stroller. I did get in a few solo runs though.
5. Speaking of running... This is a two-parter
   a) Run the Butte to Butte 10K. Because tradition. YES! And I had family do it with me for the first time ever! So fun

   b) Run my dream half marathon: Fueled by Fine Wine in Dundee - half marathon in the morning, wine at the finish line! No longer my dream - it was all hills. No flat. But the wine was extra delicious at the end.

6. Blog weekly. I have had a lot on my mind lately, but am still working out how to get it out. I'm hoping to do some good writing during nap time this summer. Well, I never did figure out how to get it all out. I still have a lot on my mind, but the weekly blogging definitely did NOT happen.
7. Start, if not finish, my first quilt. Nothing fancy, but now that I've done some sewing, I'd like to have an ongoing project, and I just know I'd be proud to have a quilt that I made in the house. I'm making this one blue, because although I didn't start a quilt, I did pick up some fabrics, and I did sew a couple of little things - a dress and 2 skirts for Olivia. So I did sew. Just not a quilt. I'll work on it though. I'm slowly collecting my fabrics.

8. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep. So many naps for me. Somehow still not enough, but I think I am just one of those people who could always sleep! I do feel rested and (almost) ready to go back to work next week.
9. Take Olivia swimming. My goal was to do weekly pool swimming, which didn't happen, but we did go to Amazon once, and she swam in the hotel pool and Wallowa Lake, and her little kiddie pool, so we got the water covered.

10. Take Olivia to open gym at the gymnastics places around town. We only did open gym once. But that's because none of the under-3 open gyms were happening in the summer! We continued lessons until we went on vacation, then did open gym when we got back. She still loves it - and is the self-proclaimed "Queen of the Trampoline."
11. Set a weekly schedule for O and I. Technically, yes. I did set a schedule, but we really only loosely followed it. But I never said "set and follow" a schedule, I just said "set." So, yeah. We did this one.
12. Read a book. Or more than 1. Either some old favorites or some new ones. Excited to say I did this one. My reading had fallen off there for a while, but I read Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray," and Marc Seigel's "The Whole Brain Child," (highly recommend!) plus returned to some of my favorite Sherlock Holmes short stories. Ahhhh... reading.

13. Teach my dog to sit, stay, and lay down. Just tested her skills the other day - we're good! Still working on staying for longer than a few moments, but we're making progress! Smart puppy!

14. Do some sort of personal Professional Development. I've been really interested in two things lately: the merit of homework in primary grades (or potential lack thereof), and involving play in the classroom to boost engagement and retention. I'm hoping to find some research based information on one or both, and potentially make some changes or additions to my teaching practice for next year. I did find many articles about homework and decided to change my homework policy for this year. My students will still do a reading log, because that is proven effective, but will work on a chore or personal responsibility task rather than doing paper homework this year. Not as much research on purposeful play, but I think I can work into that as the year goes on. Also the Whole Brain Child has opened my eyes in a lot of ways about how to work with my students, too.
15. Matt Nathanson and Philip Phillips concert with Rob. Celebrated 5 years together at this awesome concert. Loved it!

16. Watch some movies. Does Cinderella daily for 4 straight weeks count? Kind of kidding, but we watched a few others as well as caught up on some shows we like, and watched a lot of Olympics!
17. Fireworks on 4th of July. Olivia's usual bedtime is 7pm, and she made it all the way to the 10:15pm fireworks! I loved them. I think she did too. I was happy on the 4th. 

18. Swim in fresh water. Yes! And got in trouble for jumping off the boat dock, too. Oops. Sorry not sorry - it was great.

19. Sunbathe. With SPF 55. Done!

20. Preserve something. Pickles (probably fridge pickles) or jam (not likely), I want to put something pickled in a Mason jar and Instagram it. (and also eat it) Did this! I made verduras en escabeche with veggies from our garden - fridge pickles, but still. I think they are delicious and I had fun making them. Maybe someday I'll get to "real" canning.

21. Garden, garden, garden. I've got a lot going on, and I'd like to focus on many parts of my garden, not just the veggie part. Another blue. Well, I did a lot of gardening. But it was still just in the veggie section - to be fair, I expanded that this year. It has not let me down! We have lots of fresh veggies daily to eat. It's been fun getting creative with eating the same veggies in different ways.

22. Go to the beach. Of course! Yep! Coos Bay and Florence.

We did almost everything on this list and then some this summer. It's been so fantastic, and I'm so grateful to have had time with my family this summer, and that I've been able to do so many things that fill me with joy. I'm not entirely ready to go back to work, but I'm never truly ready. When next week rolls around, I'll return to the classroom refreshed and rejuvenated from a fulfilling summer. Now I'm really glad I made a summer bucket list. Maybe I'll start making these lists more often...

My Facebook Life is Awesome

I often hear or read of people lamenting on Facebook or in conversations that no one shows what is real anymore. Everyone shows their perfect life on social media: "Here are my kids doing all amazing things all the time!" "And here is my perfect vacation!" "And this is a photo of my spotless home and well manicured lawn!" And people are tired of seeing that. Where is the realness? They ask. Why are people so afraid to show that their life isn't perfect?

But is that really fair? Of course we put out there what we want people to see. That's what we do in our daily routine, too. People don't go to work in their pajamas. We don't simply stop showering, or brushing our teeth, or combing our hair - because if we did, the world would see that something is not right. And we would be ostracized for those kinds of behaviors. What is the difference between the performance we put on in the physical world, and the posts we put on Facebook?

I think there is no difference.

In the same way that we've all stopped talking to that one friend because he or she is "always complaining" or "never has anything positive to say," we've all deleted friends from Facebook or other outlets because their posts are "too dramatic," or "always negative." We present ourselves the way we want the world to see us, both physically and online.

I am privileged to have a wonderful community of women and other mothers around me who I can call my friends. We often get together, kids in tow, and talk about our small children's accomplishments or challenges, but it's still all surface conversation. Facebook update worthy material. In fact, we often talk about what's been on Facebook. Everyone acts like we're all doing fine. Everyone is supposed to think we're all doing fine, right?

Recently, though, I've had the opportunity to spend time with several of those same friends, without our kids, without time constraints. And while we always start with the Facebook stuff, lately we've gotten into the meat of our lives as individuals. As women. And the truth comes tumbling out of our mouths, perhaps slowly at first, but then suddenly we can't stop and we're all saying the same thing in different words:

We're barely holding on.

We know we have a lot to be thankful for, and we are so, so thankful for those things. A roof over our heads. A steady job. Healthy children. Friends and family.

But there is so much under the surface of those things, and we're working so hard just to keep up. We feel like we're sustaining but not thriving. We're exhausted, physically and mentally and emotionally. We feel guilty because we're trying to balance everything but feel we're not fully succeeding at anything. We can't keep up with our lives but we have to because if we don't, who will? We are mothers, wives, employees, caretakers, providers, and we have our own needs as well.

In one way or another, my friends and I have said this to each other time and again. And the weight of it all just hits us sometimes. It's the only predictable thing some days: Life will be hard today. My kids will challenge me today. I will let someone down today. I will fail, somewhere, today.

Most days, though, we carry on. And how? Those perfect moments we end up posting to Facebook. The little moments throughout the day that keep us going. Flowers from our husband. Coffee with a friend or family member. Our kids doing crazy-funny-adorable things. A delicious meal. A fond memory.

Because those things reflect the work we put into this life: we push through all the tough stuff so that we can live inside the moments we've worked so hard to create. Whether it is a fleeting moment or a few hours, we cherish it. And why not share the things we treasure with our friends - online or in person?

Stress, sadness, disappointment, failure... they will never go away. And what is a life without a range of emotions? But we can't dwell there too long. Although sometimes we feel alone, we are not. We have friends and family who will give us the grace that we are afraid to afford ourselves.

No one's life is as perfect as we make it out to be on Facebook. It doesn't need to be. We all choose what we present to the world, and for many of us, we choose to present the good. So yeah, my Facebook Life is awesome - and so is yours. Let's move through the not-awesome bits together, too, friends. I'm here for you and I know you're here for me. Thanks for being my village.

A Summer Bucket List (That I said I wouldn't make)

So, I've had a few friends come out with Summer Bucket Lists. These are the real ones. Then there are the ones that have been all over my social media - Facebook, Pinterest, etc. "Do ALL THE THINGS with your kids, or you're a bad mom! Smiley face emoji!" So I sort of vowed not to do one, because I made a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 30 - and if memory serves me, although all of them were well intentioned and I totally wanted to do them all, I didn't even finish half of them. And then I felt like crap.

But when you're training for a half marathon, you have a LOT of time to think. Like I did today. Ten miles is a lot of running, you guys. Especially when you're slow, like I am. But I digress. On my run today, I thought of a Summer Bucket List, since I had some time on my hands...

Summer Bucket List. I do have a lot of things that I want to do this summer, and I felt the need to write them down. Perhaps since summer is only a couple of months long, I'll be more diligent in keeping to them. Or maybe I should call it a Summer Wish List - because I do want to do them all. I just don't know if I will.

Here goes...

1. Itty Bitty Bible Study with Olivia - Duh. So looking forward to Tuesday mornings with this special group. Plus we're spending each week at a different outdoor park or activity. Fun!
2. Hiking weekly with the Buena Vista Hiking Club. Which we still have to create, technically. I know for sure one colleague is in - it was her idea! I'll rope in the others too...
3. Camping for 2 weeks in the Wallowas. This is a low-hanging fruit. It's already booked. Check!
4. Run twice a week. Sans stroller. Just for me.
5. Speaking of running... This is a two-parter
   a) Run the Butte to Butte 10K. Because tradition.
   b) Run my dream half marathon: Fueled by Fine Wine in Dundee - half marathon in the morning, wine at the finish line!
6. Blog weekly. I have had a lot on my mind lately, but am still working out how to get it out. I'm hoping to do some good writing during nap time this summer.
7. Start, if not finish, my first quilt. Nothing fancy, but now that I've done some sewing, I'd like to have an ongoing project, and I just know I'd be proud to have a quilt that I made in the house.
8. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep. I know I won't be sleeping in anymore ever for eternity (#momlife), but my kid still takes a solid nap daily. WIN. I'm all over that.
9. Take Olivia swimming. We opted not to do swim lessons this summer because we already did the parent-child last year, and she's not old enough for independent lessons yet. So we'll do a mix of pools and fresh water, I think.
10. Take Olivia to open gym at the gymnastics places around town. We have done lessons since February, and although she adores them, she really just wants to jump on the trampolines until she falls asleep. Which is fine with me. It's her summer too, right? We'll get back to classes in the fall.
11. Set a weekly schedule for O and I. Since I have a lot of things in mind that I want to do with her, I think a schedule will be helpful. That way we can get to checking things off this growing list!
12. Read a book. Or more than 1. Either some old favorites or some new ones.
13. Teach my dog to sit, stay, and lay down. No, seriously. She wasn't trained, and I've basically been lazy since we got her in December, and I'm really sick of her not doing ANYTHING we ask. Sit, stay, and lay down seems like a good place to start.
14. Do some sort of personal Professional Development. I've been really interested in two things lately: the merit of homework in primary grades (or potential lack thereof), and involving play in the classroom to boost engagement and retention. I'm hoping to find some research based information on one or both, and potentially make some changes or additions to my teaching practice for next year.
15. Matt Nathanson and Philip Phillips concert with Rob. Another low-hanging fruit. We've got the tickets. And it's on our anniversary and Matt Nathanson sang our first dance song at our wedding! So excited.
16. Watch some movies.
17. Fireworks on 4th of July.
18. Swim in fresh water. Seriously, I love it. Lake or river? I'm there.
19. Sunbathe. With SPF 55. Hi, I'm an Oregonian.
20. Preserve something. Pickles (probably fridge pickles) or jam (not likely), I want to put something pickled in a Mason jar and Instagram it. (and also eat it)
21. Garden, garden, garden. I've got a lot going on, and I'd like to focus on many parts of my garden, not just the veggie part. Plus, as one of my fridge magnets says, "Gardening is cheaper than therapy, plus you get tomatoes." I love tomatoes.
22. Go to the beach. Of course!

Well, 22 things in a 10-week summer? I better get crackin'! Thursday is the last day with kids, Tuesday is my official first day of summer. Here we go...!

30 before 30: How'd I do?

Tomorrow I turn 30, and last year I made a list of 30 things I want to do before I turn 30. I dreamed big on a lot of them, but some things I finished. I thought it would be fun to look back on my year and see what I've been up to.

Here goes:

30 Things to do by the time I Turn 30
1.  Run a half-marathon. Here is the one I have picked out! - I did this one! I ran the Holiday Half in December to support Ophelia's Place in Eugene.
2. Plant vegetables in my garden and grow food for my family - I did this one too! And I learned a lot, and I'm excited to expand our garden this year. I've already been hard at work this spring.
3. Drink wine. And beer. And really, really enjoy it. YES.
4. Read at least 2 books, all the way through. This may sound easy, but I have a child under age 1! I'm starting small and realistic. This, disappointingly, didn't happen. I started several books, but haven't finished any of them.
5. Take, and (finally) pass, the Spanish ORELA. That test is terrible. Haven't taken it. However, this is the first time I've thought about the test and thought I *might* be able to pass it. Perhaps this summer?
6. Sleep in. Today I woke up at 8:07, the latest I've woken up since Olivia was born. Does this count? I think yes.
7. Take Olivia to the park This was a gimme, but yes, we go to the park often. We spent the summer going to a different park every week with our church play group, and have gone many times as a family as well.
8. Cook from scratch once a month. As in, nothing from a can, bottle, jar, or freezer - nothing pre-made. Right now, Trader Joe's and Costco rule our kitchen. I will slowly try to take it back... I think I did this. I didn't keep track enough, but have cooked many home cooked meals in the past year and it is so nice.
9. Go camping. Or maybe Yurting. Is "yurting" a word? Sadly, no. But we have a 2 week camping trip planned for this summer, which we are hoping will be "easier" now that Olivia is a bit older.
10. Hike Mt. Pisgah and Spencer's Butte I didn't do either of these! How can I even call myself a Eugene-ian?
11. Run the Butte to Butte Yep! And I PR'ed too! Apparently there was also a small earthquake during the race, but my own legs were shaking so badly I didn't notice...
12. Go to Itty Bitty Bible Study with Olivia at Saint Mary's Yes, as often as possible. During all the breaks. I love our church and what they do for families.
13. Learn to sew something - anything Hm... not yet. Although I did knit and crochet several new projects to completion, and learned some new stitches along the way. Maybe this could be a half win?
14. Write all the Thank You notes I should. Not just think about them. *winces in shame* Uh...no. Sorry everyone.
15. Date night with my husband once a month. Once a month? Not exactly. But we have spent a lot of great evenings and day dates together. Certainly more than some young parents I know. We have a great support system that allows us to spend lots of time together, child-free!
16. Take a class for credit that will add to my teaching license. I did this! I took a GREAT math instruction course through my district, learned a lot, and changed my teaching. Oh, and I will get credit toward my license when the time comes.
17. Write a blog post at least once a month. Missed a month or two, but made up for it with multiples in other months. That sort of counts, right? In any case, I've enjoyed expressing myself in writing and photos through the blog.
18. Bake something from scratch - not from a box! Unless you count baking potatoes and chicken, the answer is no. Well, I baked salt dough ornaments at Christmastime... But nothing edible.
19. Make something to decorate or improve my house. Not yet. Well, I'm close. I have nearly finished an address sign that will go at the end of our driveway, I have a rag bunting in the works for our mantle, and I have all the materials for a succulent arrangement to go above the mantle as well. So if I finish the succulents by tomorrow, I'll have done it!
20. Go on a vacation out of the U.S... Or at least to Hawaii. It sure is nice to dream... But we're going to Portland for a 3 day mini-vacay in a couple of weeks!
21. Draw, doodle, sketch. I used to love it. I need to do it more often. I did do this. For a few days, I did a sketch-a-day challenge because a friend inspired me, and I've gotten a coloring book that I work in regularly as well. It helps me relax.
22. Dance. Take a Zumba class, or play my Kinect "Dance Central," or Wii "Just Dance." I love dancing. Yes! I did "Dance Central" on our XBOX once or twice, and Olivia loves dancing, so we have dance parties often.
23. Do yoga once a week. More if possible. Haha, no. But I have recently been doing a bit more yoga, and I remember how much I love it.
24. Put my feet in the ocean. I think it still counts if they were clothed in boots because it was in January! But Olivia and I both did this together and it was so fun playing in the waves with her. I love the beach, even when it's cold.
25. Go Snow-shoeing. Coupled with this goal is getting over my fear of driving over the snowy pass. I'm an Oregonian for Pete's sake! Nope. But at least this year we talked about it...
26. Vacation Oregon: Portland, Bend, the coast, Belknap, Silver Falls, Hood River We made it to the coast. And we road-tripped across Oregon, Idaho, Nevada, and Utah to vacation in Park City. So we did a little of this. More this summer!
27. Paint my nails. Yep, and let it chip like mad for weeks before taking it off, every time I polished them.
28. Find a mirror to go above my mantle, and hang it. Yes! I love our mantle mirror!
29. Learn more about the bible I think I have. I've signed up to read during church services in the past year, and have learned a great deal from listening and focusing on the sermons, especially those which help me understand the meaning behind the readings.
30. Think a kind thought about my body every day. Oh... This was hard. I definitely did not. I am coming back around to loving more about my body and making healthier choices, but I think this is something I will struggle with for a long time.

Well, 17/30. That's at least over half! I think if I had checked in with the list a bit more often perhaps I would have gotten at least a couple more done, like hiking, baking, yoga, and blogging. But I had a fun year.

This year, I don't think I'll do a list of 31 things before 31, but I am thinking about what I'd like to do heading into my next year of life. It's good to have some intention in life, I think, beyond the day-to-day. And it's fun to think about what is possible in a year. Year 30 has been good to me, and very hard for me, but I'm ready to meet year 31 with open arms.

Here's to another year!

Last year on my birthday

Last week - see, lots can change in a year!

February 25

Today I'm giving up the ridiculous amount of stress that just hit me like a brick wall. I hate the end of the month. I'm giving it to God. I'm saying a prayer. A really big prayer.

Goodnight.

February 18-23

OK, so I promise I actually did do these day of, I just didn't quite get to blogging them. And suddenly it's a week late. Here goes:

February 19: I gave up feeling frustrated with Olivia on her first day of gymnastics class for not wanting to follow along with the class and participate. I was surprised how quickly I thought of only myself and how it made me look that she was behaving that way. She's just a little kid! I realized afterward that she had not eaten anything since about 6:30 that morning and reminded myself that she had woken up much earlier than usual. Poor kid. I dealt with a lot of mommy guilt on Saturday. I tried to give it up to God.

February 20: I gave up feeling bummed that I had to go into my classroom, because it ended up being really worth it. I am still feeling the effects of how much that helped me this week.

February 21: I tried to give up weighing in and having gained 1/2 of a pound after 4 weeks of losing a pound or more each. Including Superbowl week. Including one week where I think all I ate all week was cookies. Yet this past week when I ate next to nothing for 2 days while being sick, I gained 1/2 a pound. Long term? Not worth the disappointment. I gave it up to God and moved on. I tried, anyway.

February 22: I gave up not even getting to the store until after 6pm, and getting home at 6:50. Which meant Olivia's "dinner" was applesauce and nilla wafers at the store, and milk and carrots and a banana in her PJ's 10 minutes after bedtime. I try really hard to give her good structure and sit at the table and build a healthy relationship with food for her (and work on that same thing for me). Last night I failed at that. I also had to give up a great deal of anger I had toward our dog who seems to be determined not to every be fully housebroken. I needed a lot of help from God yesterday.

February 23: Today, I give up the anxiety I feel about the dentist. As in, I give up today's anxiety... baby steps, right? I had Step 1 of what is apparently a 2 step root canal. Because once just isn't enough! See, some of that anxiety is still holding on strong despite my concentrated efforts to give it up today. I'm giving it up to God. I'm saying a prayer (or 5).

Dear Parent, Love Your Child's Teacher

I often think about Meet Your Teacher Day, or Curriculum Night, or even Parent-Teacher conferences. I think about the drop-offs and the pick-ups, the rushed "so-and-so is being picked up by the babysitter today," and my whisper and smile - "OK, got it!" I think about the "We're looking for so-and-so's sweater... again... can we hit the lost and found?" "Yep, go for it. Hope you find it." Smile. Thumbs up. Pat on the shoulder.

I think of all the things I'd like to say to parents about their children. As their teacher who is also a parent. How there's no time for me to express what it is to teach them. Ever.

I'll be the first to admit that I sometimes fantasize about a job which might pay a little less but allows me to sit at a desk wearing pretty shoes, or have a real lunch break, or tell my boss that this year, I'm going to work "4 tens" instead of whatever hours I actually work as a teacher, just so I can spend one more day at home with my kid while she's still little.

But the honest truth is that I love my job. I love what I do, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Because teachers change the world. We have the greatest, scariest, hardest, heaviest, "funnest" job in the world, and it's so important that we get it right. So I'd like to take a moment to write an open letter to parents of students everywhere, from teachers. Because I know, as a teacher, I'm not alone in these sentiments. So here goes...

Dear Parent,
As your child's teacher, there are a few things I'd like you to know about me. A way for you to know a little bit about me since I'll be the primary adult in your kid's life for about 6 hours a day, 5 days per week, for about 9 months. You may know these things already. You may be surprised by what you read. But you should know:

1. I love your kid. No, really. From Day 1, I love your child. Even if your kid is the one who is always interrupting me, or always the first one to talk the moment I take a breath, or if your kid is the one who runs to the line just to be the line leader every time even though we have a set line up order, or if your kid is always sick, or always late, or always picking his nose, or can't zip her own jacket, or can't read, or is the class bully... I love your kid. Kids are kids. They have good hearts. They just want to do the right thing, even if they don't know how. And for this school year, they are all my responsibility. And I love each one of them in their own right.

2. If you volunteer, I appreciate you. If you come in regularly to help, even if I don't have "much" for you to do, or if you think you are doing the dumbest, most boring thing, whatever it is you're doing, I need it done. And your help does NOT go unnoticed. But if you only come in once that year, or randomly pop in, or do something from home, I appreciate that too. I know it's not easy to take time out of your day to help in our classroom, or do something from home after you've spent your day doing whatever you do, then doing a project for me after the kids go to bed. What you do makes a difference for me, and for your child. We both notice that you do something to show you care about education.

3. If you don't volunteer because you can't be there during the day, I feel you SO HARD. Because you have to remember, I will likely never be able to volunteer in my kids' classrooms during school hours. I don't judge you for not being at every class party (or any class party), or your kid taking the bus to and from school. Life and work are hard. We all do our best to support our families, and if your job and life means you can't do something in my classroom between 8 and 3, so be it (and see #5 and #6). There are so many other ways to show your kid love and appreciation.

4. There are a few things your kid needs to be able to do by Kindergarten: tie his shoes (this one I can not emphasize enough), blow her nose, wash his hands, cover her cough, eat vegetables (yes, I'm serious), and zip/button his or her own coat. Those things may seem small with just your one kiddo, but add 25 or so more into the mix, and you can see how the whole day could easily become all shoe-tying and disease prevention and no learning! If your child can do those things, he or she can hang pretty well in school overall.

5. I need your help. I can do a lot with your kid. I can teach him to read, and I can teach her to do math. I can inspire her to become a scientist and I can show him the joy of writing. But I can't fight anti-school messages at home. If you don't engage your child in the importance of learning, I can't singlehandedly show him how powerful an educated mind is. Help your kid with his homework. Ask your kid to tell you exactly what she did at school today. I guarantee you'll see a difference in school performance if you do.

6. I need you to trust me. My job is to keep your child safe, and after that, to teach him not only academics, but social skills and work habits. If your kid gets in trouble with me, I need you to work with me, not against me. Remember #1, when I said I love your child? I do. And sometimes that means tough love. I might give your daughter a consequence that actually means something to her. So she'll come home and be upset. And your instinct may be to come back to me in her defense. Ask me what happened. I'll tell you. I promise I'm as fair and reasonable as possible in every situation. I only ask that you step back before you come to me: Are you helping your child by stepping in right away, or interrupting an opportunity for a teachable moment? Sadness, anger, frustration, and learning curves are part of life. If this is a matter of safety, or bullying, by all means, bring it to me. But if it's more of a life lesson in resilience, recognize that and help your child work it out.

7. I really love my job. Teaching is hard. No doubt about it. But thousands of teachers leave the profession each year because it is just too hard, or thankless, or not what they imagined it to be. I understand their sentiments, and I don't fault them. But every fall, I come back, fresh-faced, excited, and as nervous as the kids. Will it be a good year? Will I succeed in my goals? Will I learn something new? And every year I'm so glad I do what I do come back. It's a labor of love that I wouldn't trade for the world. It's never a question whether or not I'll teach again next year. Of course I will. I really love my job.

In the end, I just want you to know that your child's outcome in school and in life matter to me.

You and I, we need to be a team. Let's talk. Let's communicate. Let's work together. Because together, we can help form some pretty fantastic kids into some downright amazing adults.

I'm glad I wrote this here. You will probably never see it, because for the most part, I don't cross paths with many of my students' families outside of school. And that's as it should be. You have your world and I have mine.

So for now, our interactions will be limited to quick passes in the hallway, or short emails, or 20 minute parent-teacher conferences. But I hope that somewhere in there, our eyes may lock, and you'll see a glimmer of these sentiments in my gaze, or hear it in my voice as I talk to your little one. And maybe you can breathe a little more easily knowing that your son or daughter is in good hands today.

Love,
Your Child's Teacher

February 17

Today I'm still trying to give up the fact that I can't find a substitute to cover my classes for the next 2 days, so I can't attend a training I was really looking forward to. I'm still upset about it but trying not to be because it's not in my control anymore.

I'm giving it to God. I'm saying a prayer. Goodnight.

February 15 and 16

Today I'm giving up the fact that I forgot to post yesterday because I have been feeling really yucky. And I'm also giving up our afternoon of TV and movie watching because I feel so awful.

I'm giving it to God. I'm saying a prayer (that I'll feel better soon!) Goodnight.

February 14th

Today I'm giving up that I definitely "forced" Olivia to nap a second time this afternoon after she took a really short nap this morning and I was really tired so I spent a great deal of time getting her to go to sleep. Did she need that sleep? Maybe. Would she have taken that nap by choice? Probably not. But I really needed it.

So maybe I didn't force it. But it was some pretty serious encouraging.

I'm giving it to God. I'm saying a prayer. Goodnight.

February 13

Today I'm giving up the anxiety that I feel about Olivia sleeping most of the day. I panicked at the 2 hour mark of her second nap because I was convinced she had hit her head at daycare and no one had noticed and she was on the brink of losing consciousness. Yeah, hi. I'm that mom. She's probably just a little sick or having a growth spurt.

I'm giving it to God. I'm saying a prayer. Goodnight.

P.S. my predictive text always corrects the word "God" to the word "Good." I've thought about leaving it multiple times.

February 12

Today I'm giving God my week. My week which was so full of ups and downs. A week with my favorite church service, a fun family night, and a time when a person from Spain complimented my Spanish (eek! Seriously! 😎). A week so filled with stress that I physically hurt, and a week during which I cried, more than once, about so many things. I'm giving it all to God today. Thanking God for the good, and thanking God that I survived the bad. And praying for next week to be better.

I'm giving it to God. I'm saying a prayer. Goodnight.

February 11

Today I give up resenting the constant messy state of my classroom. My students learn, my teaching is still quality, and the only person affected by my messy desk is me. I'm giving it up today. I'm saying a prayer. Goodnight.

Lent

I've never done well with Lent. If I give something up, I always bring it back within days. If I take something on, i get off track and never get back to it.

This year, I'm not sure if it's "the right way" to do Lent, but I'm trying something new. Instead of giving up one thing or another, I'm going to give up something small each day. Maybe an unpleasant interaction with someone, maybe my own expectations of myself to be perfect at something, maybe just giving up a negative thought. But whatever it is, I'm going to give it up. Give it to God. Say a prayer. And refocus.

If you want to follow me in this journey, I'll be posting my daily "giving up" on the blog.

Today, I give my frustration around report cards. There is one aspect that the district fails to support every year, and today that really got to me. I'm giving it up. I'm saying a prayer. Goodnight.