I remember as a kid in elementary school, feeling safe. We lived in a safe community and neighborhood, and the school was no different. Then one day in 5th grade, we were at lunch and suddenly all the adults became tense and closed all the doors. They told us we couldn't go out to recess, and that we had to go straight back to the classroom. We were confused and annoyed, but went along with it.
Later that day, we found out that we'd had to lock down the school because there had been an armed robbery at the mall down the road, and that the robber had run toward the school in his escape. At that time, our doors were never locked, always left open to let in the breeze, and to welcome our community into our school. Within days of the incident, the entire school had automatic locks installed and our teachers had to carry their keys everywhere with them to get in and out of breezeways and back into the classroom. That was the beginning of the changes in our schools. I remember thinking... but my school will still be safe. The adults will make sure we're safe.
When I was 12, Kip Kinkel brought guns into Thurston High School and shot his fellow students before being brought down by other kids, and eventually arrested. (I did not attend Springfield Public Schools). The shock that went through our community was indescribable. My mom worked at the hospital where some of the students were treated. She came home in tears, hugging my sister and I tightly. My dad works in violence prevention in schools specifically. He was on the news shortly thereafter, and I was home from school. I'm not sure why I was home, but I remember hovering in the other room, listening to the interview. It was surreal. A kid had gotten a gun. He had killed his parents. He had killed other kids. A kid had gotten a gun. ...but my school will still be safe. The adults will take action to make sure this doesn't happen again.
About a year later, 2 students brought guns to Columbine high school in Colorado, and shot their classmates. Virtually the same exact scenario, only more were hurt and killed by kids. Kids with guns. Around the same time, some kid trying to get attention at my school wrote a threat on the wall of a bathroom stall. We went into lockdown at my middle school until it was resolved. We were scared, then angry. But mostly scared. ...but my school will be kept safe... right? Surely now the adults can see that we have to do something about access to guns.
In high school, we had an open air campus. There was a scare almost every year where a weapon was brought to school - typically a knife - threats were made, suspicions arose, or we locked down. Some years after I graduated, the school got walls with sliding doors put onto the front, which I assume have automatic locks if necessary. But I only assume that because I now work for a school in the same district, and that's what we have. ...but my school will be kept safe... sort of. When are schools going to be safe again? What are the adults going to do? They're the ones with the power.
I was a student at the UO when a shooter killed many fellow students at Virginia Tech. My first thought was how terrifying it would be to be trapped in one of the many huge lecture halls on the UO campus if something like that were to happen here. ...Will my school be kept safe? What can we do to stop this?
I trained to become a teacher. I got my license in 2011. Since I have begun teaching, there has been at minimum one instance of lockdown at the school where I teach each year. Some years there is more than one. At minimum one time each year where I, rather than worrying about reading outcomes and math scores, I think to myself: "Is this it? Is this the day someone in my school dies? Is this the day shit gets real?" It's terrifying and heartbreaking to look out at 27 terrified faces and try to be brave. To not know what to tell them because saying "It's OK" might not be right. Fortunately for my community it's only ever been a precaution. But other schools have not been so lucky - Sandy Hook and Umpqua Community College come to mind, among others. ...but will my school be safe? I am the adult now - how will I protect my students? How will I protect myself? How do large quantities of very dangerous guns keep landing in the hands of people who clearly shouldn't have them?
I remember the first time after Olivia was born, that we did a lockdown at our school for a potential threat to the building. As I herded my students into our little closet, I kept my phone near me, checking for text updates. I found out that there was an incident along a road near our school. Along the same road as Olivia's daycare. I froze. Her daycare was not a public school. What if they didn't know? What if someone walked in to that small white building and shot my daughter? My baby. ...my school is not guaranteed safe. No place is. No one is doing anything.
A few months after that lockdown, we did an extensive, extremely well-conducted training, led by the Eugene Police Department, for our entire staff, teaching us new and vital information and skills for protecting ourselves from an active threat in our building. But the whole time I was thinking: "Wait, the response to increased school shootings is to further train teachers on how to deal with them? Shouldn't we be doing something about HOW THE GUNS ARE GETTING INTO THE SCHOOLS?"
It's here that my thoughts get jumbled. The words I try to say cease to make sense due to my fear, and, honestly, my anger. It's here that I am baffled by the folks who believe that the argument for stronger regulations on how, when, and who can buy a gun and how quickly suddenly means that what we're demanding is to take away all guns from everyone and give the government all the power.
I believe in the 2nd Amendment. I believe in citizens' right to bear arms, and to protect ourselves if and when necessary, and to hunt for our own food. But, we don't need assault rifles to hunt deer. We can no longer sit back on the 2 most common arguments I hear, and count those as valid:
1. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people."
2. "This isn't a gun issue, it's a mental health issue."
Fine, blame people. But somehow, "those people" are getting their hands on very dangerous guns. They are not being used for hunting food. They are not being used to defend themselves from intruders, thieves, or enemies. If we're going to blame people for misusing guns, then we have to take care of the people we're blaming, or make it harder for them to get guns in the first place. I could go on (again) for days about the treatment - or lack thereof - of people in our society with serious mental health issues. But the plain and simple truth is this:
We can't ignore both. We can't fail to increase regulations on gun availability and also fail to prevent, protect, and treat mental illness by failing to fund and provide vital services. Because if we're going to use individuals with mental illness as a scapegoat for why gun violence has increased so heavily, we're going to have to do something to stop them from getting their hands on guns. On the flip side, if we're not going to do anything about the regulation of guns in our country, then we're going to have to seriously support and bolster our social services to prevent and treat mental illness. Something has to change.
Wherever you stand on the issue, please consider that my story is not unique. I belong to a generation of people who grew up watching our schools become potentially dangerous places in a way that no other previous generation has known. Not on the same scale. Something must be done, because we can not go on like this, year after year.
If you're looking for more information regarding gun safety, violence prevention, or mental health resources, I encourage you to follow these links:
Every Town for Gun Safety - an organization dedicated to education about gun safety
Institute on Violence and Destructive Behavior - a local institute focused on violence prevention in schools and communities
Mental Health Services for Adults - Oregon.gov's mental health resources for adults
Mental Health Services for Children - Oregon.gov's mental health resources for children
If you know of others, please post links in the comments below.
Take care, my friends, and be safe.
