But is that really fair? Of course we put out there what we want people to see. That's what we do in our daily routine, too. People don't go to work in their pajamas. We don't simply stop showering, or brushing our teeth, or combing our hair - because if we did, the world would see that something is not right. And we would be ostracized for those kinds of behaviors. What is the difference between the performance we put on in the physical world, and the posts we put on Facebook?
I think there is no difference.
In the same way that we've all stopped talking to that one friend because he or she is "always complaining" or "never has anything positive to say," we've all deleted friends from Facebook or other outlets because their posts are "too dramatic," or "always negative." We present ourselves the way we want the world to see us, both physically and online.
I am privileged to have a wonderful community of women and other mothers around me who I can call my friends. We often get together, kids in tow, and talk about our small children's accomplishments or challenges, but it's still all surface conversation. Facebook update worthy material. In fact, we often talk about what's been on Facebook. Everyone acts like we're all doing fine. Everyone is supposed to think we're all doing fine, right?
Recently, though, I've had the opportunity to spend time with several of those same friends, without our kids, without time constraints. And while we always start with the Facebook stuff, lately we've gotten into the meat of our lives as individuals. As women. And the truth comes tumbling out of our mouths, perhaps slowly at first, but then suddenly we can't stop and we're all saying the same thing in different words:
We're barely holding on.
We know we have a lot to be thankful for, and we are so, so thankful for those things. A roof over our heads. A steady job. Healthy children. Friends and family.
But there is so much under the surface of those things, and we're working so hard just to keep up. We feel like we're sustaining but not thriving. We're exhausted, physically and mentally and emotionally. We feel guilty because we're trying to balance everything but feel we're not fully succeeding at anything. We can't keep up with our lives but we have to because if we don't, who will? We are mothers, wives, employees, caretakers, providers, and we have our own needs as well.
In one way or another, my friends and I have said this to each other time and again. And the weight of it all just hits us sometimes. It's the only predictable thing some days: Life will be hard today. My kids will challenge me today. I will let someone down today. I will fail, somewhere, today.
Most days, though, we carry on. And how? Those perfect moments we end up posting to Facebook. The little moments throughout the day that keep us going. Flowers from our husband. Coffee with a friend or family member. Our kids doing crazy-funny-adorable things. A delicious meal. A fond memory.
Because those things reflect the work we put into this life: we push through all the tough stuff so that we can live inside the moments we've worked so hard to create. Whether it is a fleeting moment or a few hours, we cherish it. And why not share the things we treasure with our friends - online or in person?
Stress, sadness, disappointment, failure... they will never go away. And what is a life without a range of emotions? But we can't dwell there too long. Although sometimes we feel alone, we are not. We have friends and family who will give us the grace that we are afraid to afford ourselves.
No one's life is as perfect as we make it out to be on Facebook. It doesn't need to be. We all choose what we present to the world, and for many of us, we choose to present the good. So yeah, my Facebook Life is awesome - and so is yours. Let's move through the not-awesome bits together, too, friends. I'm here for you and I know you're here for me. Thanks for being my village.
