Today

Today I had the most wonderful day with my students. It's been a hard year but we've worked really hard together and I love them. Even on the hardest days I love my students with a fierceness that only another teacher would understand. And today we triumphed together. I almost cried at morning recess I was so proud of them.

Today my daughter used a new phrase - "How about..." and gave choices for dinner. Today we snuggled before school and laughed until we had tears coming down our faces in the evening.

Today I let myself admit that I'm behind on my work. So, so behind. And even though I work well under pressure, this is too much pressure. Something might have to give that really can't afford to.

Today I gave in to the feelings of fear, helplessness, and despair that sometimes overwhelm me in our current political climate. The feeling that even though I'm doing SO much more than I was to resist, to act, to stand up for myself and others, to be peaceful...it feels in vain. My actions fall on deaf ears and blind eyes and empty souls. That my little actions are insignificant, even when combined with the actions of others.

Today I let someone's words destroy me. Someone who should not matter to me at all. But someone who knew just what to say to somehow make me question what I know in my heart is right. Today I could not respond calmly. I could not turn the other cheek. I could not stand down - but I also could not stand up. I did nothing to respond to this person's words. And the fact that I've been unable to come up with a response is also painful in its own way.

Today I failed at helping my daughter get to bed peacefully. It's a long, drawn out battle and it's impossible to know what's right or wrong. My husband finally got her down and instead of being grateful I only felt jealous and upset that my last interaction with my daughter at the end of the day was negative. And I snapped at him.

Today I worked late into the night, and I still won't have everything together for tomorrow. Today I ran out of time for so many things I'd wanted to do.

Today I cried.

Today I leaned on a lot of people for support. For the rest of today I give my thanks to everyone I know who supports me and my family in so many ways, whenever we need you. I believe that in gratitude we can begin to remember the things that are good and right in all the yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows. Friends and family mean the world to me and you all stepped up to the plate today. Thank you.

I'll be there for you, too. Today and always.