Yesterday

Just gotta take a quick minute to give a shout out to all the full time stay at home moms out there. I am a month into maternity leave with our second and 2 days a week I have both girls at home with me all day. I have an end date to this time (which will have its own emotions, and probably its own post) but for now I'm in the thick of it and I just wanted to capture what a day in the life looks like for me right now. Maybe I'll do it a few more times in the first year... maybe I'll forget 😉

Yesterday. Yesterday was really really hard and I felt like a failure. But when I got a moment to breathe, I tried to reframe and give myself some grace. Here is my attempt:

Yesterday morning I slept while my big kid watched way more Netflix than I'd like to admit... but she excitedly told me about the show afterward while we had breakfast together.

Yesterday I told myself I was going to eat healthier to shed the baby weight, but instead finished my daughter's waffle for her and shoved a handful of cookies down my throat before bed... but honestly that was better than the day before.

Yesterday I made a mental to-do list and each time it got majorly derailed... but the things that needed to get done got done.

Yesterday I hid, crying, from my kids, under the guise of taking a shower because I felt like all I had done was yell and scramble around all day... but I got a shower and felt better after, and didn't yell so much when I was done.

Yesterday I was so lonely but decided not to text certain of my friends because I didn't want to burden them with my complaints about my kids and my feelings (again)... but I did text my own mom which felt really good, and later remembered that just as I would be there for them, my friends would've been there for me.

Yesterday I didn't do even half the things I had promised our big kid, or even what I thought we might do together, and I felt guilty... but she did get to play outside on her bike and I got to appreciate her growing skills.

Yesterday I realized how bad I am at playing pretend (I'm really bad at it)... but I realized that our daughter doesn't care, she's just happy I'm going along with it.

Yesterday I wondered if 10:30am was too early for a glass of wine, and then felt ashamed that I had thought that... but then I took some deep breaths and reminded myself I have other coping methods too. And I made myself some tea instead.

Yesterday I felt guilty for being on my phone a few times... but I then I reminded myself that it's ok to expect our daughter to do something by herself for 5 minutes while I take care of a few things. She doesn't need my undivided attention all the time. Just most of the time, which I think I do ok at.

Yesterday I decided I'd try to get the baby to sleep in the bassinet instead of in arms or carseat or stroller every time, and I'd try to help her fall asleep on her own... but after almost 3 hours trying, I nursed her and rocked her and told myself " she's not ready yet." (And she slept 2 of 3 intervals in the bassinet last night and I counted that as a victory)

Yesterday I wanted to get out of the house multiple times, and we didn't make it until after 1:30... but somehow we managed 2 errands in a row with both kids in tow, and arrived to our destination on time.

Yesterday I didn't get the dishes clean or the laundry folded or exercise or cook a proper meal... but I loved on my kids and we painted and we spent the day together, and that's what they need more than anything.

Yesterday was not perfect. Yesterday was really difficult for all of us. Sleep deprivation and kid behaviors and fussy baby and every other thing that could factor into a day, did. But we survived. We'll keep taking one day at a time.

And mamas (and dads too!), whether you're home all day or at work all day or some combination, cheers to us, because we're making it happen one day at a time. Let's give ourselves grace and let ourselves feel all the feelings, and try to embrace our imperfect parenting. We owe it to ourselves. And if you need to reach out to me, please do. I could probably use the conversation just as much as you.