A few weeks ago, our priest, the leader of the group, posted an article about the role of parents in the faith of our children. Specifically, that parents are ultimately the most influential force in their children's lives for those children having a strong faith themselves and maintaining their faith into adulthood. The article can be found here:
http://livingchurch.org/why-parents-matter
While it may seem like a no-brainer that parents are the strongest faith influence, it's not always apparent, especially in the teen years, that anything parents do or say is noticed, let alone viewed as influential. What that means is, even if our children have the best priest(s), the best services, the best youth leaders, and the best experience, it's really what we do as their parents that solidifies their faith. Specifically, how do we lead by example?
We started talking about the article one week, and actually continued the discussion into the next week, because of how important it was to us. Our first discussions were based primarily upon observations: "My parents made sure I came to church with them" or "I don't see a lot of the teenagers from our parish stay after they complete the Sunday School programming. Why?" We talked a little about what made us stay in the church as young adults. After all, many of our peers stopped coming after high school, and although we have returned after college, many of us feel we are the exception to the rule among our Sunday School classmates.
The next week was a bit more challenging, as our priest pointed out that because parents are the strongest influence on our children's faith, we need to actively develop our own faith for ourselves. How can we lead by example if we don't have an example to lead with? So he took it in turns asking each of us what specifically we do to develop our own faith.
Silence. Lack of eye contact. Attempts to change the subject or deflect... Surely one of the kids needs a diaper change or is misbehaving? No dice. We had to think about it and come up with an answer.
It turned out to be the hardest part for us. None of us felt that simply coming to church each week and making sure our kids were there too was enough. Granted, if you have small children, just getting to church on a weekly basis is very difficult, and if you make it on time and in one piece, you deserve to pat yourself on the back. But somehow there was a feeling that an hour or so per week, led by someone else, wouldn't quite cut it in the long run.
I believe I came up with something that must have been rather hollow, because I can't remember now what I said, and it was only 2 days ago. The longer we thought about it, the more we came up with other ways our own parents had led by example, further proving the point that what parents do matters. My mother used to sing the hymns at home, especially around Christmas and Easter, but really throughout the year. She still does it. When I was a teenager it drove me crazy - "Mom, WHY are you singing right now?!" - but even then I realized she could sing them because she knew them and they brought her joy. Church was an important part of her life, even when she wasn't physically in the building. As a young adult, I watched my dad's faith grow as he attended church with us. His way of developing his faith was to be member of the Vestry, and to be an Usher on Sunday mornings. Participation and service were his ways of fostering faith.
I thought about my own faith, and what I do to enrich it. Well, unintentionally, I have started praying more as a new parent. Often they are not exactly complex or deep rooted prayers, more like, "Please, God, let my child stay asleep this time!" But other times they are a bit deeper than that. I pray for our little family to survive these sleepless nights (weeks, months), especially as we as her parents try to endure the trials that come with raising a child. I thank God for the help of our families and friends, and for everyone helping us, from good healthcare to groups like the one that got me started on this.
But ultimately, I realized I don't do much other than around Christmas and Easter to fulfill my own need for faith. Even then, it's mostly still "Sunday Stuff." Throughout the year, I go to church as regularly as I can, although lately some weeks sleep has taken precedence over attendance (surely it would be worse to fall asleep during the Nicene Creed than to just stay home?). I don't know many of the Bible stories I feel like "everyone knows," or at least, not to the level of detail I should. And by that I mean, I actually wish I knew more Bible stories, verses, parables, not that I feel like there is some "standard" that I should have memorized for the sake of memorizing. Because what good is knowing them if you don't take the meaning from them?
Because of this little group of ours, this short article I read, I have been inspired to find ways to enrich my own faith. Maybe I should have found a reason to do it earlier, but now I have one, and a good one: my daughter. I want to deepen my faith for myself, and if having a baby is what gives me the push to do so, then I can be at peace with that. Many people are inspired by their children all the time, to do things like lose weight, or quit smoking. Actively fostering my own faith is something I can do for myself which will have a lasting effect on my daughter as well.
I still haven't decided what I will do, but I would like to adopt a regular practice of... something. Something do-able, but something meaningful, that can be shown or that I can do privately. Maybe I need more than one thing, I'm not sure. But when I figure it out, I'll know, and I'll hopefully be able to share it with my daughter someday, not as something I do alone, but something we could do together.
My parents, pre-babies! Such strong examples of faith for me.
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